i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
