i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm really busy with my period
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