take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
