She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
