Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
