I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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