have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
