"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
