I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
