well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
