So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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