there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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