I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
