I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
