Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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