I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
