I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
