the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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