i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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