Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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