I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I enjoy the company of your penis
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
