im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I AM VODKA MAN
Someone came in the potted fern
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
there is glitter all over my balls
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