What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
