they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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