Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
