he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
