You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
