And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
