I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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