Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
