Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
