after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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