Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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