yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
