Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
