My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
