Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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