This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
