Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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