Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
