when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
