there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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