Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
