Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
