so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
