and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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