My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
