My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Everything about him screamed your future.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
