In the future we'll all be gay
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
