just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
