shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
