Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
