haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
